I wanted to die.
I wanted to die.
When I saw that nothing in my life was working out, after many and many frustrations, after people took advantage of my vulnerable situation, I thought several times about killing myself, jumping in front of a truck, I didn't want anything else, just I wanted to die.
I gave up a lot to be able to try something that for me was much bigger than anything that anyone could get.
I broke up many friendships, I fought with many people, including my parents, many wanted to try to make me give up, and in fact, I gave up many things. I did many things that I was not doing for me, something that was not for love, something that I liked and that I always wanted to do or follow, I had never followed my heart and instincts before.
Even with all the problems, some people harmed me, and because of that I lost money, and to this day I still pay for it.
As I cannot live from art, being an actor, etc., working is necessary. In the companies I have worked with so far, I have always earned low wages that were around USD169,00 to USD244,83 per month, this is not enough in the United States because it is a value earned monthly, imagine in Brazil?
I never went hungry because my parents never allowed that to happen.
With financial problems afloat, I had a lot of difficulty because I had to make choices, many of which were wrong choices. I decided to invest and make many things, again I lost money, I decided to invest in courses to gain new knowledge, learn new things, have a better curriculum so that I could earn a better salary, and it never happened either.
And then there are the sentimental, psychological problems that I was stuck with for a long time. I was very inconsequential, I always acted with emotion and not with reason, I was very impulsive and I didn't care what came next.
There were times when I just wanted to disappear from the planet, which seemed like I was not going to wake up from a big nightmare anymore. I lost count of how many times I cried when I lay down before going to sleep, or even hiding at work and falling into tears of pain, sadness, and suffering, because I couldn't have something I couldn't achieve, because I wanted to help my family and not having something to do about it, for wanting to be someone and achieving something that people said was impossible to follow and get.
However, something in my head said: "Don't give up and go after it, it won't be easy! You can have everything you want, it just depends on you, what you will be willing to do and sacrifice, for what you are willing to fight, always persisting and believing, without being afraid of making mistakes ... "
That's when I looked for therapeutic help, I did many types of therapy, I started meditating every day and it helped me a lot too. Since then I started to learn new things every day, to study about anything, it has also helped in many ways.
Many people helped me without hesitation, even without knowing me, without having seen me before. and these people I will never forget, just by talking and remembering so many things I get emotional.
I believe that I will go through many things yet, but I'm very grateful every day for having overcome so much in such a short time.
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