Before and now.
Before and now.
Well, this is something that few people know, but everyone will know now.
Sometime ago I had many problems. Despite having monocular vision as a result of being born prematurely, with problems due to lack of development in organs like lungs, and for having been in the ICU, "used oxygen" for a long time, taking boxes of injections and medications. I had 3 cardiac arrests, the doctors said that I was going to die, that it was just a miracle to survive, and that if I survived I would have a lot of sequelae, or become disabled on bed, but the only problem I have is monocular vision that can be fixed with surgery.
I've been through for many things. During my 10 years old I had a big dream, to be an big actor, singer, pianist, a big artist.
So few years later, I figured out that some guy was interested to give an opportunity to me. But that time I couldn't to follow my dreams because my parents couldn't move on to a new and a big city, they can't let me go too because I'm not had 18 years old yet, I had 16 years old.
Every day passing, and I'm growing fast. In 2015 I finished high school, so I decided to go to the college,
I was approved in 10th place for the psychology course, so people started saying: "You don't look like a psychologist", "Are you crazy about ideas and still want to take this course?" they said many other things like that, and yes, they made me give up! After that, I wanted to do medicine, but this one I had no choice in whether or not to do it, because the cost of this course in Brazil is very high, so for me it was no chance. I believe it was not a big dream to be able to fight for, and that is why I did not sue. After that, I decided to do Software Engineering, I had projects to present a work at the Microsoft Imagine World Cup, I signed up for the project, I started studying theories: the project was beautiful in theory, but the practice was another story, it consisted of develop electronic devices powered by solar energy, yes, that's what you just read. I was even going after it to get the solar panels, I was even thinking about importing to Brazil, in addition the project was a little more extensive because it had to do with a processor, and things related to the OS. The summary is that a few days after I signed up, the University called me saying that I couldn't participate in the competition, because the university didn't have a type of agreement with Microsoft, which prevented me from participating.
After all this, I realized that everything I did, it wasn't for me, it was for the people around me, they influenced me in such a way that I absorbed everything for myself, as if I didn't care about my future and did what they wanted .
So that's when I decided to stop, I said to everyone that nothing and nobody was going to stop me from achieving my dreams, because I couldn't let people live my dreams for me, I couldn't let them influence me that way. I was at my limit. But there were other problems.
I was already antisocial, I didn't like to go out with anyone, my parents had to drag me almost literally to places, at one time or another I would go to the cinema for distraction. I had problems with my self-esteem, because of my skeletal appearance. I hated hearing my voice, I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I was very stressed, explosive, arrogant, I fought for everything, I was a very proud person. Then I decided to change.
I started to try to understand the things in life, to understand myself, to find answers to change. I did psychotherapy sessions, I tried to evolve mentally, sentimentally, spiritually, and I succeeded, I do this every day, I don't stop a minute of fighting, of going after, I don't stop trying to understand things, I don't stop following my instincts, I don't stop to try, and I never will. One of the therapies that did me the best was hypnotherapy, because I discovered things from my past that were deeply guarded and that I did not realize that they hurt me, such as bitterness, fears, and many other things. I discovered things from when I was still a newborn, and believe me, I cried from beginning to end of the therapy, including the therapist, even with my eyes closed I realized that he was crying, it was a unique experience! Meditating helped me and it still helps me a lot in the process, I learn new things every day, in fact I can learn just by listening or watching.
...TO BE CONTINUED
Guss Koglin.
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