October 04th, 2021 - An Important Day.

An important day.

          October 4th, 2021, I decided to come out as a bisexual to my parents and family. Although it hasn't been easy for some reasons.

          Since I was a child I was always taught that liking people of the same sex was something wrong, something reprehensible in Christianity, as if it were a kind of unpardonable crime.

          This caused me a lot of problems growing up. From a certain age I started to close myself off from people, I found myself locked in my room, I didn't want to leave the house, go to a party, cinema, I even thought about suicide, I almost fell into a deep depression, I didn't talk to anyone, not even my parents. It affected my relationship because I didn't tell them what was happening to me, and it made me go through a lot of things, having traumas.

          I didn't accept myself, I was afraid of "eternal damnation", even though I knew that religion is something controversial to debate. This caused me a lot of psychological and emotional upheavals. Then the moment came when, at the age of 17, I decided on my own to go in search of answers, to study about it and to understand what was happening to me.

          I went to get help from psychologists, therapists, spiritual help. At first many people I didn't never know helped me without anything in return, they realized from afar that I needed help and support, and then I overcome a lot of things I thought I wasn't going to.

          I never opened up to talk about my life with my parents and family, because of prejudice and what they would say or think, and what they would want to do, as if there was a cure for what I felt, as if I chose to have relationships with people of the same sex, even if I've had relationships with people of the opposite sex.

          People say that you can "get it out of your life", praying a lot, going to church, choosing not to feel, and many other wrong thoughts. They don't understand that it's something that just is and you can't fight it, and that when you fight it, your life collapses in all directions, because it's no use being what you're not. You need to be yourself, and feel good about who you are and how you feel about your life, because only then will you be able to have what you want in your life, pursue your dreams and be happy.

          We have always been indoctrinated as a child, but some doctrines interfere in our way of thinking and acting in relation to the people around us and in how society itself is, causing us to have limitations, beliefs that, however much they are passed on from generation to generation, generating some conflicts between what is right and what is wrong, what is or is not reprehensible.

          I won't go into politics and religion too much, as this is not the focus here, and if I were to debate I would spend hours and hours writing.

          But in resume, I came out to my parents and family, even though many friends and acquaintances have known about me for a long time, because for me it was always easier to talk to other people than to my parents.

          This only happened because I decided since 2019 that I would leave home to have "my own life", so I talked to people (boss and directors) at the company I work for, and I got a job opportunity in another city, 311 miles from where my family lives. In addition to going to study, I'm leaving home in a few weeks. It's all a matter of time. And the fact that I met another person that I fell deeply in love with, just added something that I was also looking for. Even though it's painful and very difficult for me and my family, it's something I feel I need to face for my personal and professional growth as a human being. Even already feeling homesick without even having left.

          My parents never wanted me to live far away, even saying since I was a teenager that I would go to the USA to pursue my dreams, because they wanted me to stay close, maybe open a family business, they always said they had dreams for me. But they didn't understand that I have my dreams and goals, that I want to have my own responsibilities, that I want to build my life and go to find my happiness. And precisely because I couldn't stand who I wasn't anymore, because I couldn't stand being in the skin of someone I couldn't be, then I ended up coming out. And that was quite a shock to everyone in my family, because almost no one imagined that this would happen. I will not say what my parents and some people in the family say or think, because it is obvious that the denial, the non-acceptance, the disappointment, the guilt for something took over. But gradually and over time, despite not supporting and accepting, at least they are respecting.

          I just need to give  time to everyone, and be patient. Everything will be overcome and no matter what else I have and need to face, I'll follow what I want so much and fight for my dreams. Then I will can be happy and be at peace with myself.